You know you are from Long Island when......
You feel like you know Howard Stern.
You live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world, but you almost never go there.
When you're away from Long Island, you love it and when you're there, you don't.
You know the exact point at which Queens turns into Nassau simply on intuition.
You've been to Jones Beach Field 4 on a June weekend afternoon.
You've been to the Tanger Outlets and came home with nothing to show for it.
You're still waiting for a bridge to Connecticut.
You've tried to use your father's monthly ticket to ride the LIRR, it worked.
You'd pay $10.00 for a movie.
You've never really fully evaluated the meaning of the name Hicksville.
You know where the Commack Motor Inn is but you "have never been there".
You've never been to Times Square on New Year's Eve.
You've tried to find the Amityville Horror house and you have been to Mount Misery.
No, you don't want mustard on that burger!
You have or someone you know has fallen asleep on the LIRR and ended up in one of these three places; Babylon, Port Washington or Hicksville.
How many times can you use the word "like" in a sentence?
The most exciting day of your summer is when all the tickets go on sale for the Jones Beach Theater.
You went to an elementary school that promoted dodge ball as the number 1 game among children 7-13.
You know White Castle is terrible for you and the food sucks but you periodically "Get the Crave".
You have been to Mulcahay's on Thanksgiving Eve, the largest ladies night event of every year.
You want the Yankees to stay in the Bronx, but would probably go to more games if they moved to Manhattan.
You can order a pie and a soda and people understand.
You've missed that "Drunk Train", the 2:42 out of Penn and had the dreaded wait until 5:30.
You've never taken an MTA bus.
You felt slighted when Snapple sold out.
The Long Island Expressway isn't really as bad as everybody thinks.
You saw a movie at the Westbury Drive In before they tore it down.
You have been to the Roosevelt Field before the second level was completed.
You don't associate Fire Island with gay men.
When you hear Billy Joel's "Scenes From An Italian Restaurant" you try to figure out what places on Long Island he singing about.
You know which parts of the Godfather where filmed on Long Island.
You've said stupid things like "strong island".
You've paid a $10 cover charge to get into a bar, but got nothing for it.
You think religion doesn't affect you much.
You miss wiffleball and running through sprinklers.
You think Islip MacArthur airport is cute and you enjoy watching it grow up.
You always likes Billy Joel, but as soon as you leave, you love Billy Joel.
You think that Jones Beach Theater or the Nassau Coliseum is the best place to see a concert.
Billy Joel said it best, "either you date a rich girl from the North Shore, or a cool girl from the South Shore".
You don't really see the big deal about the Hamptons.
You think if you're not from Long Island or NYC, you're not really from New York.
You don't go to Manhattan, you go to "The City".
You never realize you have an accent till you leave.
At some point in your life you've gone clamming.
You curse. A lot.
If your parents didn't, you're grandparents lived in the city.
At some point in your life you or someone you know has gotten an animal that came from the North Shore Animal League.
When people ask "where are you from?" you answer Long GuyLand and automatically assume everyone in the world knows that answer means New York.
You know someone who went to Chaminade.
The Belt Parkway sucks!
You never, ever want to "change at Jamaica..."
Your parents took you to Nathans or Carvel (on the way home from the beach).
You've gone block party hopping during the summer.
News 12 sucks.
You know where at least one strip club is.
You can name at least three players on the Islanders Stanley Cupteams.
You have come to terms with the fact that the Islanders have completely sucked since La Fontaine left.
You've purchased a 40, underage, at the bodega.
Public beach? What's that?
Does anyone know why the HOV lane on the LIE stops in Hicksville instead of the Northern State?
"I'm going to the park."
You've had aseagull crap on your car.
You had a bicycle with a banana seat.
Even the concept of the Islanders EVER leaving is unrealistic.
The guy who thought up the "new" Islanders logo..no way he's from Long Island.
You've cruised on the "turnpike"
You know someone with a cabana.
You've played golf at Eisenhower Park...legally or otherwise.
You buy the hit stuff at Tower or the Wall, but go to Music Den to get the really hard to find stuff.
If you're from Nassau County, you've been to Safety Town.
Quick! Who's the Suffolk County Executive? Don't know do you?!
If you smoke pot, or you know people that smoke pot...you've heard >about it or been to Rockaway for Drive-thru service.
You hate paying tolls.
You don't have to go far to see your family.
The Parkways, the LIE, the Causeway, Robert Moses Bridge
You know the exact streets that divided your school districts, but have no idea which voting district you are in.
You've gotten drunk at the 'green' or on the bleachers of some high school.
You were an Islander/Met/Jet fan or a Ranger/Yankee/Giant fan. Therewas no crossover.
You can correctly pronouce places like Happauge, Commack, Islip, Islandia, Massapequa.
You know the location of 6 malls and a dozen McDonalds and 36 7-11's.
Muttentown was a cool place to try to find.
You watched 'em build the "Grand Central Parkway" .
You know the color of the water at Jones Beach was not BLUE!
Islip Speedway was only 1/8 mile track but a lot closer then NY National Speedway.
Littleneck Clams were better then cherrystone.
The "Miracle Mile" was too short.
Billy Joel was a guy in a street gang from Hicksville that you'd go beat-up on twice a year.
The Major Deegan was the road to upstate.